If my life at this moment could be summed up into an ice cream flavor, it would be “Rocky Road”
Have you ever been so consumed with thought or worry that it started to corrode away your physical well-being? Even if you shove the worries to the back of your mind, they still make their way right back to the surface, like a floating thingamabobber that has been submerged in the water. Today, though I may have gotten some sleep, it wasn’t much nor, was it very restful. I woke up in the middle of the night with nothing but the darkness and the sound of my own thoughts which were much louder than the cars passing by on the street, the drizzling rain or the occasional sound of a passerby train. The thoughts were thoughts of financial insecurity and survival in a world that often seems to promote dishonest means of financial gain. I will never succumb to those dishonest means, but it saddens me that many of them seem to prosper (outwardly), albeit at an inwardly and spiritual cost.
I am in between jobs right now, but looking to seek a start to my career. I am a recent college graduate but I almost feel like that is the equivalent to what a high school diploma is nowadays. My graduation from college was a momentous occasion for me filled with its ups and downs, and windings paths all in between. I worked sooo hard in college, stressed over tests, strived to do my very best, buckled down, leaving the abundant college party life I once lived, but now I feel as if all that was for naught. My efforts were all shot down so quickly as soon as I took a step into the real world. Granted, most would say that I haven’t been out of school long enough to be worried about it, but this transitioning time is a killer, especially if you have bills, rent and other such things to tend to. Now I have been honestly job searching putting in applications online, in person, all over, but it is like casting bait for fish in a completeley frozen-over pond, not a single catch, and they’re real cold about it!! I have a job now, but it doesn’t start back for a couple of weeks–and even when it does its only part time. Well, I do get to go for a little today, but after that it’s a wrap, for a couple of weeks.
Staying at home is driving me crazy. (If my potential future husband just so happens to be reading this whoever you are–I don’t think I can be a stay at home mom.) I’d love to get out and go places, but it cost money (which I don’t have any to spare) to put gas in my car to go anywhere–and then it’ll probably cost to be wherever I go. Well actually now that I am thinking about it, I do have a bike, I could take that and like bike to a park or something-read a book under a tree; it would get my exercise in for the day and I would get some fresh air (hopefully that air would be mosquito free–my only qualm about being outside).
This situation is perhaps a mere testing of my faith. Which would suggest that there may be a more promising time ahead. I would have to make my way through this present rocky road to get to the future destination. When you pray and nothing happens, it almost feels like your prayer is in vain, but I know that is not the case. My mind has been playing with me lately challenging the existence and authority of the God I have pledged my life to. I have to remind myself daily that the assurance of the fact that there is a God has nothing to do with my current or future rough situations, but has everything to do with the fact that I am still alive, still breathing, and still have many things to be grateful for even when times are rough.
I intended to start a blog chronicling my journey into and during my career, and though it hasn’t started yet, I am sure in the future I will appreciate being able to look back and not only see how the journey progressed, but also to recall the days before it even started.
Well, I am off for now,
Many Blessings!
